I know I make a lot of jokes about how much of a fuck up I am but in reality I try really hard to make smart decisions that will eventually get me to where I want to be in life. The “smart” decisions that I think I’m making usually end up backfiring on me, which provides a lot of funny material, but self depreciation is only funny to a certain extent. To quote Mel Brooks:
Tragedy is when I get a hangnail. Comedy is when someone falls into an open manhole and dies.
There’s nothing funny about how much success both of my siblings are currently experiencing. My brother Paul just found out today that he was accepted to Wharton (UPenn MBA) and Tuck (Dartmouth MBA) and my sister Molly just completed her final exams for the semester at Harvard. They are both crushing life right now and it motivates me to keep making stuff so I can eventually not be the guy at family dinners who has to answer questions like “so why don’t you have a job?” and “you don’t have a job?” and “wait, you’re kidding about not having a job, right?”.
Paul had only one offer to play Division 1 lacrosse out of high school and by the time he graduated from Bucknell he was a four-year starter and a captain. He has always made the most of his opportunities and I know he’s going to end up being, as Rick Ross once said, “the biggest boss I’ve seen up until this point in my current existence.” He’s basically a better looking and more intelligent/athletic/socially acceptable version of me, so as much as I wish we were living in the same city, it’s kind of a positive that I don’t have to stand next to him at the bar on the weekends. Paul’s also the best schmoozer I’ve ever seen, and coming from someone who can’t do more than a minute of small talk without wanting to shoot myself in the face, I mean that with the upmost respect. Even though I’m horrible at taking advice or criticism, he’s the only person (other than my parents) who I fully trust to the point where if he tells me to do something, I’ll do it. I’m absolutely positive that he’ll be wildly successful regardless of what he ends up doing in life, and it’s pretty awesome to see all of his hard work continue to pay off.
My sister Molly isn’t doing too bad herself, having just finished the fall semester of her junior year at Harvard, where she also plays field hockey. Molly is similar to me in that she has never really been sure what she wants to do career wise until recently, but she is one of the most genuinely nice people I’ve ever met and people love being around her. In addition to dominating in the classroom and on the field, she is also kind of a beast in the gym, and not in the “look at that girl who looks like an Olympic deadlifter with cankles doing front squats” way. She’s dealt with a lot of injuries throughout her collegiate field hockey career but she finished this past season on a high note and I know she’s going to ride the momentmum of this past season into her senior year. I could never go to Harvard AND play a sport, and I’m amazed that she finds time to sleep. I’m also extremely overprotective when it comes to my little sister, so every time I see her tagged in a picture on Facebook next to a boy I start sharpening the katana I keep underneath my bed. Just kidding… but seriously guys, if you do anything to so much as hurt a hair on my sister’s head, I will hunt you down. I’m totally messing around! (but seriously, I will murder you, so don’t even try it).
I’m so proud of my siblings’ success and I hope I can start being less of a fuck up and follow in their footsteps. They come home tomorrow night and I can’t wait to spend the holidays with them. All we are going to do is watch On Demand movies in our basement (we call it “the cave”), scare away NARPs at the gym, and eat way too much food. I can’t wait.
