Pat Stansik

A, final answer. 

Please read the syllabus before asking questions about my class. 

Last year when I was a senior at the University of Michigan I went to Rick’s pretty much every Tuesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday in the fall. I would always try to beat the rush but once I start drinking my sense of time completely vanishes, so I’d always get there right when the line was at its peak. Most of my friends would go to Scorekeepers (another bar on campus) so I usually ended up waiting in line with random people. My way of breaking the ice was to ask people I didn’t know, “what moves faster: the line at Rick’s, or plate tectonics?”. 

It got to the point where I asked the question so often that people who were waiting in line with me would answer it before I finished asking it.

Hence this TPM.   

Dear Girl-Who-Needs-To-Dress-More-Slutty,

This image is a screengrab from a clip that has already made the final cut of the video. It’s still in the early stages, but you can count on me making you look like a huge dumbass making you look a lot cooler than you actually are. 

Sincerely, 

Professor

P.S. Please post more party pictures on your Facebook. Future employers don’t want to hire lameazoids (at least that’s what I keep telling myself).